Make Some Potato Soup

OK, this one’s pretty basic, so let’s just dive into it.

You’re going to need:

• A bag of potatoes (like a potato per serving), peeled, or not, as you like. Cut up into cubish shapes, about an inch or so wide
• An onion (white or sweet yellow, whichever you like better)
• Some garlic (how much do you like garlic? use more, you’re wrong)
• Some salt & pepper (I recommend good salt, not table salt, and fresh cracked pepper, but do whatever floats your damned boat)
• Some celery
• Some carrots
• A small can of peas (or not, if you hate peas)
• Some ham, cut into little cubes
• Some bacon. More bacon. Cut into bite-sized pieces.
• A fuck-ton of butter. Well, at least a stick of it.
• Some heavy cream or sour cream, if you want to be really decadent
• Whatever else you want to throw into the pot
• Some cheese to garnish the bowls with
• Something green, like parsley, to make the bowl pretty
• Some green onions (or scallions, if that’s how you refer to them)
• Some good bread to go with it. I recommend bakery-fresh sourdough.

OK, once you’ve got that stuff, here’s how you cook it:

• Boil the potatoes for 20-30 minutes in enough salted water to cover them by an inch or two, then turn the heat down to a simmer. (that means it only bubbles once in awhile). They should be pretty soupy or porridge-like by this point. If not, boil them more.
• While those are boiling, cut up the bacon, the onion (the white or yellow one), the celery and the carrots. Chop or press the garlic while you’re at it.
• Slice the green onions so they look cool.
• Fry the bacon pieces a bit, and keep the grease from it in the pan. How long to fry the bacon? I dunno: make it as crispy as you like it.
• Set the bacon aside, and fry the celery, onions & garlic in the bacon grease for a minute or so
• Toss all of that into the pot with the potatoes
• Put the ham in, too
• Add a fuck-ton of butter. Well, at least a stick of it.
• If you decided to be really decadent, add the decadence ingredient into the pot too.
• Add the peas. Open the can first, and don’t add the can: just the peas.
• Throw in the rest of the stuff you wanted to add.
• If you added a metric ton of stuff, maybe add some more water.
• Some salt & pepper, but don’t get too crazy yet.
• Reconsider your choice of pots, and maybe move all of this to a bigger one.
• Simmer all of that together for 15 minutes or so. Stir it occasionally so that it mixes together and the potatoes smooth out somewhat.
• Taste it, and add salt & pepper, to your taste.
• Ladle it into some bowls.
• Top it with some of that cheese.
• Lay a sprig of that green stuff across the top
• Crack some pepper across all of that
• Sprinkle some of the cool-looking green onions across the top
• Serve it, with some of that good bread.

Why are you still reading? Eat the damned soup.

Yeah, it’s hot. Be careful about that.