Make a Breakfast Pizza

What you’re going to need:

• Some pizza dough (you can find this at a good grocery store)
• Some olive oil
• Some cheese (think provolone, mozzarella… you get the idea). A lot of it, if you’re doing this right.
• Tater tots. Yeah. Enough of them, however much that means for you.
• Bacon. All the bacon, cooked and cut into small pieces.
• Canadian Bacon. Because, why not? Cut that into small pieces, too.
• Some eggs. One per person who’s going to be eating this.
• Some good salt & pepper. No, not that crap table salt.
• Chives. You know what those are, right? Minced, to put on top.
• Thyme or basil. Fresh. Chiffonade, if you feel fancy, or chopped if you don’t. To sprinkle on top.
• A cast iron skillet. You have one, right? If not, go get one. I’ll wait. 12 inches or thereabouts is ideal.

Here’s how you make it:

• Take the dough out of the fridge so that it gets to be room temperature. Trust me, you don’t want to fuck around with cold pizza dough.
• Heat the oven to 450F
• Got a pizza stone? You’re cool. Put that in the oven so it gets hot.
• Don’t have one? Well, make do with something that can hold the pizza you’re going to make.
• Cook the tater tots and the bacon(s) to your favored state, then set ’em aside
• Put enough of the olive oil into the skillet to coat the bottom of it thinly.
• Put the room-temperature dough into the skillet, and stretch it outward until it fills the whole skillet. If it’s not cooperating, it’s still too cold.
• Coat the top of the dough with some more olive oil. Not too much.
• Put the cheese on top, spread evenly.
• Add the bacon. All the bacon.
• Arrange the tater tots to appeal to your sense of art. Leave room for the eggs you’re going to crack onto this later.
• Put the skillet on the stove over high heat, and cook it for a few minutes, until the bottom of the dough starts to set a bit and turn golden brown. (the oil in the pan will be bubbling, too)
• Take the skillet off the stove, and crack the eggs onto the pizza in the spaces you left in those tater tots. You did leave room, right?
• Add some salt & pepper. Whatever works for your taste buds.
• Put it in the oven for 10-15 minutes. The cheese should be melted and bubbling. If not, put it back until the cheese *is* bubbling.
• The egg whites should be *white*.
• Take it out of the oven, let it sit for a couple of minutes, then slide it onto a cutting board, or that pizza stone you thought I forgot about.
• Cut it into pieces
• Sprinkle those chives and that basil or thyme across the top
• Serve it
• Why are you still reading?

Eat the damned pizza.

Yes, it’s hot.